As a “marriage guy,” I’m far more concerned about mediocre marriages than I am the highly dysfunctional marriages. At least major dysfunction is fairly easy to identify. A mediocre, boring marriage is like the frog in the kettle, it’s dying but nobody knows! So, if you want a mediocre marriage here’s how to make one.
1. Avoid conflict.
Just keep the peace. Don’t stir the pot. When you are offended, bottle it up on the inside and tell yourself, “it’s no big deal, I’ll get over it.” After all, if you bring it up now, you will be accused of “bringing up the past” and “not forgiving.” Then tell yourself, the issues between you and your spouse will eventually go away.
2. Stay busy.
Schedule so much on your calendar that your interactions are minimal. This allows your communication to consist of lots of one or two-word responses, like, “yeah sure” and “I’m fine.” When your busyness involves being around other people, you can focus on them and appear to be doing well, and all the while avoid anything meaningful with your spouse.
3. Refuse to grow up.
Sure your spouse has mentioned ways your could improve as a husband or wife, but you conveniently “forgot.” Let’s be real, you were this way when you got married, how can they expect you to change!? Dealing with your bad habits, character flaws and inconsistencies is difficult and defeating. It’s way easier to just maintain status quo. They will probably just learn to live with it.
4. Forget your manners.
Nothing says, “I take you for granted” like the failure to say, “please" and “thank you.” Simple gestures communicate love so powerfully because it proves that your love has affected the details of your life. Do not open doors for your wife or thank your husband for his hard work or freely give compliments to one another. In addition to this, be sure to make fun of, belittle and demean your spouse in public.
5. Don't touch.
Don't hold hands, don't sit close, don't kiss your spouse before work and before you go to sleep at night. Be sure to give your children gobs of affection in front of your spouse; this will send a subtle message that you are completely capable of loving affection and yet unwilling to give any of that affection your spouse. When it comes to sex, wait until the very last minute to crudely ask for it and when you’re asked, coldly say, “NO, I’m too tired."
6. Be extremely practical.
Eliminate all risk, creativity, adventure, fun and flirting. Instead of hiring the babysitter and paying for that nice evening out, just save your money, sit at home and watch TV. Having a regular date night is expensive, time-consuming and requires so much coordination especially when you have kids. Besides that, you can kill 2-3 hours scrolling through Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. I get it, it’s practical. After all, that money might come in handy if you need a divorce attorney!
I see it time and time again and I get it. It’s easy to fall into the rut of doing some or all of these things. But what are they doing to your relationship? Are you living in a mediocre marriage? If you’re reading this and feel like you’re guilty of some of these, do the opposite of all of them! I promise it will make a difference!
Be sure to follow Andy on Twitter @andysavage and on Instagram @andysavage75.